Cheating isn’t really the issue here, but the warning is just as dire. As it turns out, there is no true legal recourse for what happened.
He wanted to take sexy photos of me. I protested. He whined and whined and whined and finally I decided that this was a loving and trusting relationship with the intention of getting married. We’d been through major hurdles, and he “needed” them, so okay…on the condition that they were tightly locked up at all times on the computer and camera was formatted completely and such. I was assured it would never be an issue, no one but him would see them. After all, he’s a tech kind of guy, so he knows how to protect them.
Flash forward a number of years, and surprise surprise, a friend tells me they found a picture of me online, naked, spread, and it is horrible. Just the most terrible thing, especially when you never wanted to pose anyway, when you tried to pretend to like it for him, and WTF, I don’t even *remember* that picture that was not even taken at home. And OMG, it is vertical/portrait and his right arm is in the photo. That means he took the photo vertically with one hand, his off hand no less. That all adds up to phone.
It would seem that he thought that because I had taken photos before that he had a right to take them whenever he wanted. And apparently, he thought it was okay to post it on a free porn website for thousands and thousands of people to not only view but download. I can’t prove that. I think that though. I’ll let you decide what you think happened.
There’s no legal recourse for this because it was uploaded anonymously. Could have been anyone the cops said, and they weren’t going to investigate it. Revenge porn is a misdemeanor, and it isn’t worth the cost of an investigation into computer forensics. So it is up to me to warn women before they pose for him just in case it was him.
It is a fact the photo was taken by him without my knowledge. It damn well wasn’t taken by anyone else because I didn’t do that.
It is a fact that it was anonymously uploaded to a free porn site.
It is true that it was uploaded just days before we went to court. Suspicious, right? But it doesn’t mean it was him.
It is a fact that it came down from the website (after lots of my lawyer trying to get it removed) not long after he and I discussed that it was the only thing holding up the conclusion of the divorce that he dearly wanted finished. Suspicious, right? But it doesn’t prove anything.
So in the end, I won’t publicly say he did it because I can’t prove it. I leave it to anyone reading this to decide for themselves if they think he did or not. And once you decide that, then you can decide what you will trust him with.
It isn’t my business. I don’t care. And I don’t want to talk about it. You have the information now. I have done my part and no more. If you are doing your due diligence, then best of luck that you make the best decisions. Note that revenge porn includes giving the photo to a buddy also. So even if he didn’t post it himself, I’m still unhappy with him about this. And frankly, even if the stupid photo was nabbed by a hacker and uploaded, I’m still mad at him because he promised me it wouldn’t and couldn’t ever happen. And beyond that, I’m just astounded to look at that photo and think that he thought he respected me and loved me when he took it. I think those things are mutually exclusive to taking a photo that grotesque of your wife.
And as a side note, I never ever would have expected this from him. But then, I never would have guessed he would take a photo and not tell me about it either. Normally, he’s not a bad guy at all, just the wrong kind of match for me and me for him. I have the hardest time reconciling the idea that he could have done this to me. But I can’t think otherwise when I look at the facts.