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Greg Hoffman, Winnetka, California

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My ex, Greg Hoffman, met when we were kids. In middle school actually. So when he friend requested me on Facebook I was happy to reconnect. We started talking and eventually flirting. He knew all the right things to say…”you are so beautiful”, “I can’t believe a woman like you exists”, “we are perfect for each other”, “I have to marry you”. I fell for it all. When he proposed to me 2 weeks after we started dating (and living together) I was the happiest I’ve ever been in my life! But soon after there were red flags. His ex wouldn’t let him see his kids (he blamed her and I believed him), he admitted to having a pill problem/ addiction, he was easily aggravated. But every time he lost his temper, he would try to communicate and talk it out to “better himself” since he really didn’t know how to be in a relationship he claimed. Soon all of his faults became my faults and I was blamed for this or that. Then we went out and had a few too many drinks, he was pissed that I was intoxicated. We walked into my place, fighting and he struck me. Hard. I flew over the couch. He hit me a few more times in the face, called me a whore among other things and called out EVERY insecurity I had! Then he got on top of me and choked me. I was scared. I tried to scream, he squeezed harder and started pounding my head into the ground. At some point I passed out. The next morning, he was crying and packing thinking it was over. Not once did he come over and apologize or try to rationalize. I left the house. When I came back he was still there. Wouldn’t look at me. I’m not sure what was wrong with me but I felt bad for him and hugged him. We held each other so tight. I couldn’t bare the thought of losing my great love. He promised to never drink again. Never hurt me. That was just the beginning. There were many situations, black eyes, bloody noses, fat lips. But what’s worse? He blames me. If I didn’t push him…. For a while I believed him and really tried to not set him off. To love him more. Bite my tongue. I lived on eggshells and in constant fear. He threatened the life of my little 5lb. puppy. He left me with a ton of bills. Loans we took out together, but because my credit is good they were only in my name. He won’t help me with any of it. I finally left a month ago. My hurt and longing for him has turned to anger. I want to know why! Why do this to me? Why hurt me when you are to protect me? But mostly I’m scared. I’m scared that he will do this to someone else….

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