[softspoken_shrink]

Notice without judging: online favors anxious attachers who over-rehearse; in-person can trigger avoidants who perform charm but bolt later. A gentle experiment is to name pace upfront: “I like quick video to check vibes; if we’re both in, coffee within a week.” Clear containers soothe nervous systems and reduce stories we tell ourselves.

30

[softspoken_shrink]

My therapist said something wild: “You’re emotionally multitasking.” You can’t build intimacy when your head’s in ten conversations. So I now only talk to one person at a time. Feels slower, scarier, but better. Real life is messier, but at least it’s real.

17

[softspoken_shrink]

Therapist hat off, human hat on: I once got a full interrogation about my exes, then a surprise pop quiz on attachment theory she found on TikTok. People, please don’t test strangers. If you’re anxious, say you’re nervous. If you’re avoidant, say you like space. Weird first date experiences often start as unspoken needs.

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