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Back in my day we called this “don’t fish in your buddy’s pond,” but life’s messier now. I’ve seen it go fine when the men involved had real respect and no scorekeeping. I’ve also watched poker night die because folks tried to sneak it. If you proceed, make it boring—no drama, no commentary, no comparisons. Ask your friend plainly, accept his answer, and mean it. If the romance can’t survive that simple test, it won’t survive year two anyway. Your call, kid.
11FWIW, these notes are already easing my shoulders. Porch pace, diner breakfasts, museum strolls—that sounds like a life I’d actually live, not a commercial. Back in the service we said slow is smooth, smooth is fast; maybe that applies here too. I’ll try the phone call first, then a short meet. Appreciate the steady hands here. Take care, Norm.
14Back in the service we learned that timing and clarity save a lot of grief. FWIW I courted a lady who was separated two years. We kept Sundays for honest talks: what changed this week, any flare-ups with the ex, how did the kids handle transitions. I didn’t meet her children for eight months, and only after her attorney confirmed the parenting plan was stable. No ultimatums—just pace and respect. You’re wise to be ready to bow out if needed. Take care, Norm
14When I met my wife, we wrote letters on a forum, then spoke on the phone, then met in daylight at a museum. Slow, deliberate steps. The tools changed, but the nervous systems haven’t. Constant novelty taxes them. My grandkids binge-swipe and call it fun; I watch them deflate. Consider treating the app like a library catalog: you search, you check out one book, you actually read it. Then you return it and choose another. Dating app burnout feels new, but it’s the old problem of too much choice and too little attention.
23Back in the service we learned that plans beat hope every time. Different mission, same wisdom. A neighbor of mine, younger fella, met his now-wife online. They didn’t rush the romance. First month was twice-weekly video, no late-night dramatics, and they talked through holidays, family expectations, and budget before anyone booked a ticket. FWIW, I tried Bumble out of curiosity—nice interface, not much follow-through for an older guy like me. Don’t send money, keep receipts for plans, and write down what “serious” means to both of you. Slow is smooth; smooth is fast. Take care, Norm.
13FWIW, back in the service we learned that clear, respectful signals keep ships from colliding. Same at sea as online. Start with something true you noticed, offer a small piece of yourself, and ask one easy question. If they answer kindly, you’ve got a heading. If not, don’t chase. Companionship starts with courtesy. Take care, Norm.
9I’m old enough to remember when you had to actually call a person and make a plan, so here’s my crusty advice: treat attention as currency. Spend it where there’s reciprocation and punctuality. I ask one thoughtful question, offer one specific plan, and if they don’t match that energy, I archive. The rest of my week belongs to books and barbeque.
19Old sailor here. In any harbor, you mind the local winds by asking, not assuming. Offer a steady course: coffee, a short walk, then a polite parting if it’s not a fit. If you step wrong, own it plain. Respect travels. Also, learn to enjoy silence; it keeps ships—and people—from knocking into each other.
291FWIW, Parship is where my widower friends in Frankfurt found thoughtful company, not instant sparks. Old-fashioned profiles, yes, but honest intentions. If you try european dating sites that promise speed, temper expectations. Write clearly about your everyday life and what you can give, not just what you want. It reads.
8Back in the service we had a saying: slow is smooth and smooth is fast. Same idea here. If a person is right, they won’t mind getting to know you at a human speed. Coffee in daylight, no promises you don’t mean, and always keep your standing commitments—gym, work, family—so you can see if they play well with your life or try to replace it. Ask about their routine and friends; people with sturdy lives tend to date sturdily. If you feel your gut clench, you don’t owe anyone a second date. FWIW, you sound squared away. Tighten your boundary script and you’ll save yourself a heap of trouble. Take care, Norm.
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