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Back in my day you asked someone at the bowling alley and took your lumps. FWIW, I’ve tried a few apps after my divorce. More “hellos,” fewer actual coffees. In-person still wins for me because I can read tone and handshake. Online has its place, but don’t let the spreadsheet hide your gut. Stay safe out there.
18Back in my day you met someone at work or church and called it good. I gave this cross-border thing a fair shake and it was ninety percent time zones, upsells, and “one more credit” to unlock a basic message. The women were polite, but the process felt like a kiosk at the airport. If you try it, do it through real communities and insist on quick video or meetups with mutuals; otherwise it’s a lot of hope on a meter.
14FWIW, I dated a woman from Taiwan a few years back while driving through Portland regularly. What worked was slowing down, paying attention, and asking rather than assuming. Her parents wanted to video call me before we met in person—at first I thought that was strange, then realized it was their way of checking safety. Once you accept that “different” doesn’t mean “wrong,” everything gets easier. Back in my day, we called that respect.
23FWIW, I’ve had better luck ditching clever lines and opening with a short snapshot that tells them who they’re talking to. “Just parked the rig outside Amarillo and trying to find a diner that won’t judge me for ordering breakfast at midnight. What’s your go-to when the day runs long?” It’s plain and honest. Back in my day a door knock and a smile did the job; on apps you need a little texture so you’re not just another thumbnail. I don’t chase. If they want to talk, they do. If they don’t, a second nudge a day later is my limit. Stay safe out there.
12FWIW, I’ve seen the same movie a few times. Starts like fireworks, ends like a tire blowout at 70. Back in my day it was phone calls and showing up on time, not fifty texts and a “where are you?” in five minutes. The pattern you described—fast talk about the future, then scrutiny over your schedule—usually means they’re more in love with the idea of you than the person. My two cents: slow everything down. Daytime dates, no alcohol at first, and keep your own routine sacred. Tell them you don’t do daily check-ins before there’s a relationship. Folks who respect that are worth another cup of coffee. Folks who don’t will save you months by flaking out early. Stay safe out there.
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