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I did a Beijing summer and got exactly one good date. It worked because I didn’t turn it into a TED Talk about dumplings. We joked, we walked, we didn’t dissect geopolitics. She said the worst opener was dudes asking “do Chinese women like American men” like she runs a census bureau. Ask her, not the crowd.
19My ex was into rock climbing; I’m into sitting down. We survived a year by trading “micro-demos.” He showed me knots without trying to recruit me; I taught him latte art without a manifesto. The line for me was gear creep. If a hobby starts colonizing the hallway, negotiations begin. Words to steal: “I’m cheering from home tonight, bring stories.”
30If your first message is “ur so pretty,” congratulations on inventing beige. Left. If you ask about my dog’s middle name, right, obviously, because she has two. Also, the phrase “I don’t do drama” is a drama siren. The keyword here—messages that trigger swipe left/right—usually contain “alpha,” “femininity,” or five flag emojis. Byeee.
11ColombiaLady gave me three “hola reina”s and a DJ who thought sleep was optional. Still, I met my favorite museum buddy there, so fine, I’ll allow it. LatinAmericanCupid felt like writing a college application essay. If the profile screams “traditional values, feminine woman only,” I moonwalk out. Open in Spanish, keep it light, ask about their abuelita’s sopa top tier.
9If they laugh at my jokes but never move the story forward, that’s theater, not interest. Genuine looks like, “I read your bio line about the cursed sourdough. Teach me?” and then an actual plan. Politeness is smooth emojis and immaculate punctuation with no verbs that do anything. My script is, “Pick Tuesday or Saturday for a chaotic croissant?” Works.
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