- This topic has 17 replies, 14 voices, and was last updated 6 days, 3 hours ago by
.
-
Posts
-
lmao at “prop beans.” y’all making me feel seen. hamster girl if you lurking, respectfully, you were elite entertainment. to the cape guy crew, i’m begging: no costumes unless there’s a ticketed event. keep the chaos coming, i’m compiling a mixtape of weird first date experiences for science and also petty reasons.
20Y’all, I’m screaming at “toxic joystick masculinity.” I thought Mr. Beans was peak chaos but apparently the streets are wilder. Keep the trash tales coming; I’m printing a tiny zine called “First Dates That Needed HR.” Free copy to anyone who escaped a downline pitch or a Monet monologue.
22Worst one? She live-streamed the date “for accountability.” Chat voted on my appetizer. Someone with a frog avatar told me to fix my posture. I waved, finished my wings, and told the audience to hydrate. Never again.
10He read me his screenplay at dinner. All of it. I asked questions, thinking we’d pivot, but no—he reached for act three between the mains and dessert. When the bill landed he said, “Artists don’t do math.” I did the math, paid mine, wished him luck at Sundance, and left before the post-credits scene.
26GOT STOOD UP AT A STEAKHOUSE THEN GOT A TEXT “SORRY, MERCURY IN RETROGRADE.” KID, MERCURY DIDN’T MAKE YOU RUDE. I FED THE WAITER, TIPPED HEAVY, AND WENT HOME. NEXT DATE, DAYLIGHT HOURS, PUBLIC PLACE, EXIT PLAN. FUNNY STORIES ARE CUTE UNTIL FOLKS FORGET BASIC MANNERS.
25We met at an arcade bar. She challenged me to Street Fighter, then rage-quit after losing and told the bartender I’d “created an unsafe competitive environment.” She posted a 14-slide story about “toxic joystick masculinity” while sitting across from me. I finished my soda, applauded the commitment to narrative, and retired from gamer dates forever.
19He brought Tupperware to pack leftovers “for my gains,” then asked if I could Venmo half because “the gym is expensive.” I said sure, paid, and he still took my fries for “macros.” On the walk home he pitched me his supplement code. Adding to my weird first date experiences hall with a protein shake crown.
27Polyam guy here. First coffee in Kreuzberg, she unpacked a whiteboard and diagrammed “expected dopamine curve” for the next three months. I admired the clarity, but whiteboards belong at work. We salvaged the afternoon by people-watching and comparing book notes. Fit matters more than format; weird can be charming when consent and kindness stay center.
21I baked brownies for a park date. He said he doesn’t eat sugar, cool, more for me. Then he asked if he could sell them at his pop-up “for exposure” and split profits 80/20 his way because he’d “handle marketing.” Sir, the only split here is me and this bench.
18My worst was gentle at first: farmer’s market stroll, fresh peaches, sun. Then he started “negging,” textbook pickup-artist nonsense from a blog last updated in 2011. I told him directly it’s disrespectful. He replied with a Google Doc titled “Attraction Scripts.” I thanked him for the literature and blocked. Weird first date experiences, meet remedial syllabus.
232Mine ended up at a petting zoo because the wine bar was closed and he panicked. I fed a goat in a silk dress, then we talked travel maps under fairy lights strung over hay. Accidentally magical, mildly itchy. Counting it among my weird first date experiences, but in the wholesome column.
17Mine brought her mother on the date. Not an exaggeration. Mum sat two tables away, occasionally coughing when I made a joke she didn’t like. I tried to reframe as an ethnographic study in attachment styles and failed. Paid the bill, waved to Mum, went home and journaled. Britain remains undefeated.
16
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.