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After being burned once, I filter hard and write like a real person. I reference one concrete detail and add a self-contained answer, e.g., “You’re into old films—what’s your rainy-Sunday pick? Mine’s Rear Window.” If they reply with one word or dodge, I disengage. Patterns: Hinge = best for thoughtful prompts; Bumble = quick either/or works; Tinder = chaotic, safety first. Also, reverse-image-search red flags before investing energy.
10I swear Bumble punishes anything over two sentences. The only thing that works for me lately is either/or plus a tiny confession. “Sunrise run or midnight fries? I’m fries, obviously.” If they can’t be bothered to pick one, I unmatch and free my brain cells.
26I treat openers like postcards from a city you both might visit. Name one landmark from their profile and attach a feeling. “Your Berlin photo—was that Mauerpark? I miss the Sunday buskers. What’s your favorite city noise?” It invites nostalgia and a thread. Works across apps, less so with blank slates.
25Rhetorically speaking, you want pathos plus a low-friction call to action. Evidence from my extremely scientific spreadsheet: specific compliments on effort (not looks) produce richer replies. “Your pasta dough fold is impressive—what’s the hydration?” Starting conversations on dating apps is mostly about reducing cognitive load without sounding like a bot.
10Honey, I coach my nephew on this weekly. Compliment, connect, question. “That pup looks spoiled—approved by aunties everywhere. Does he allow guests?” You’ll know fast who has banter. If they don’t volley, they’re not your person. Save the monologues for after a latte date.
29late-night tip: don’t try to be funny, try to be findable. i reference one odd detail and ask a tiny weird question. “your cactus has a name? mine’s kevin. what’s yours?” hinge eats that up, tinder shrugs, bumble… depends on the moon phase lol.
26FWIW, back in the service we learned that clear, respectful signals keep ships from colliding. Same at sea as online. Start with something true you noticed, offer a small piece of yourself, and ask one easy question. If they answer kindly, you’ve got a heading. If not, don’t chase. Companionship starts with courtesy. Take care, Norm.
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