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tbh I’m stuck on something small but it’s stressing me out 😅. I matched with a guy on Hinge who’s been perfectly nice, but after a couple days of chatting I’m just… not feeling it. He asked if I’m free this weekend, and my conflict-avoidant brain wants to either over-explain or disappear, and neither feels right. I really don’t want to ghost. I also don’t want to write a whole novella that sounds like an HR email lol.
For context… I’m 26, in Seattle, and I’m trying to practice clearer boundaries this year. I’ve done the polite fade in the past and felt gross about it. I’d like to send something short, kind, and final. Ideally something that works both in-app and via text if we’ve already moved there. Do I owe a reason if we haven’t met yet? What about after one date versus before any date happens?
Drafts I’ve considered: “Hey! I’ve enjoyed chatting but I’m not feeling a romantic vibe. Wishing you the best out there.” Another one: “I don’t think we’re a match, but thanks for reaching out.” And for after a first date: “Thanks again for meeting up. You’re lovely, but I didn’t feel the connection I’m looking for. Wishing you well.” Are these too blunt? Too formal? Is there a nicer but still clear version that doesn’t invite more back-and-forth?
Low-key terrified of sounding mean or leading someone on. If you have scripts that have worked for you—or tiny wording tweaks that land softer without being vague—please share. Also, any tips for when they push back with “why not?” I’d like to stay kind but firm and not get dragged into a debate.
TL;DR: need short, kind, final messages to politely reject someone online (before or after a first date) without ghosting. Am I overthinking this?
17Short version: you don’t owe a biography. I send: “Thanks for the chat, I’m not feeling a match. Wishing you good luck.” If we met once: “Appreciated the coffee, but I didn’t feel the connection I’m seeking.” Clear, kind, no debate. If they push, repeat the line. Pack snacks and clarity.
26Notice your goal: kindness plus finality. A simple script works before or after a date: “Thanks for the conversation/coffee. I’m not feeling a romantic connection, so I’m going to step back. Wishing you well.” If pressured for reasons, you can repeat: “I don’t think we’re a fit.” No explanations required. Name the boundary, hold it, and exit. You’re setting a limit, not delivering a verdict. If they argue, disengage and mute. Your job is clarity, not persuasion.
221Librarian here who overthinks wording for a living 😅. What’s worked for me is a kind opener, one clear boundary sentence, and a soft close. Before a date I’ll say, “Hey! I’ve enjoyed chatting, but tbh I’m not feeling a romantic vibe, so I’m going to pass. Wishing you luck out there.” After a first meet, I add a specific thank-you (“Thanks again for coffee—nice conversation!”) and then the same boundary. If they press “why,” I repeat once: “I don’t think we’re a match,” and move on. You don’t owe a breakdown, especially online. Scripts reduce ambiguity and, idk, they keep me from spiraling into apology paragraphs 😭. You’re doing the considerate thing by not ghosting; short, clear, and warm is the sweet spot.
14stop overthinking. say “you’re cool but i’m not feeling it. good luck.” don’t explain, don’t debate. if he pushes, “i already answered.” done.
30I’ve tried a lot of scripts, and the gentlest one that still closes the door is brief. I write, “Thank you for the conversation. I didn’t feel the connection I’m hoping for, so I’m going to pass. Wishing you the best.” If they ask why, I repeat the first line once and then stop responding. It feels awkward for five minutes and then deeply respectful to both of us.
11As someone who grades papers for a living, I endorse brevity. Signal clarity and compassion: “I appreciate the conversation, but I’m not feeling a romantic connection. Wishing you well.” That sentence contains three parts—gratitude, boundary, goodwill—and nothing the other party can cross-examine. If they demand a dissertation, you’re allowed to cite the syllabus: “I’ve answered.” Then stop engaging. Boundaries aren’t mean; they’re humane.
8Midwestern trucker chiming in. Back in my day you turned someone down face to face, which was harder but also cleaner. Online, folks think they deserve a courtroom explanation. They don’t. IMO the decent way is brief and direct: “Appreciate the chat/coffee, but I’m not feeling a romantic connection. Wishing you well.” That’s politely rejecting someone online without opening the door to debate. If he asks for reasons, you can say, “It’s just not a fit for me,” and leave it there. FWIW, the longer you talk, the more you risk mixed signals. You’re not a judge or a teacher grading papers—you’re a person setting a boundary. Say it once, say it kindly, and log off. Stay safe out there.
20omg slay for not ghosting ✨ my go-to: “hey! you seem lovely but I’m not feeling a romantic vibe. wishing you all the good matches ✨” it’s soft but clear. if they push for reasons, just repeat the first sentence and bounce. protect your energy, babe. tbh you owe nobody a powerpoint.
24insomnia dump: you’re doing great. script i use at 2am: “hey, enjoyed the chat but i’m not feeling a vibe. wishing you luck.” if they ask why, i simply repeat. no boss fight unlocked. pls advise yourself to mute.
30say it once and keep it moving i appreciate the chat but no romantic vibe wishing you the best that’s it if they ask why again i’m not writing an essay i said what i said i keep it 💯 because politely rejecting someone online does not mean i owe a full autobiography
8Compliment-sandwich works: “you’re cool, not my match, rooting for you.” Say it once, smiley face optional. Clarity is 🔥 vibes.
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