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not trying to be cute here — i’m legit tired of meeting people who turn out unhinged af after like 3 dates. i’m not talking “quirky,” i mean full-on chaos: love-bombing day 2, 40 texts in an hour, sudden “we’re exclusive now right?” convo before we even split the first check. then the flip: cold as ice, jealousy over nothing, random pop-ups at my gym (!!).
pattern i’m seeing:
love-bomb → control pipeline (compliments + future talk on turbo, then “where are you/why didn’t you reply in 5 min?”)
boundary tests: “if you cared you’d share your location” / “delete ig it’s ‘toxic’ ”
victim olympics: every ex was “crazy,” job was “toxic,” landlord was “abusive.” somehow everyone’s the villain but them
speedrunning intimacy: already calling me “babe/hubby” and asking for house keys like it’s amazon prime same-day
i’m doing decent: lift, eat clean, stable job, not simping, not breadcrumbing. so where’s the leak? is my screening trash? what are the immediate red flags you use to bounce before it gets weird? i’m thinking hard rules like:
no “we’re twin flames” talk in week 1
no 24/7 texting expectation
reschedule once = fine, reschedule twice = plate dropped
trash-talking every ex = hard pass
drop your facts over feelings. what early questions/filter prompts do you run on apps to smoke this out? also, is there a way to not look like a jerk while enforcing boundaries on date 1?
Rex out.
172ngl the apps don’t create chaos, they just surface it faster. If you’re matching with what you call “dating psychos,” tighten your filters. I add friction early: voice note before meet, one daytime coffee, then a 48-hour cooloff to see if they respect pace. I ask two boring questions up front: “How do you prefer to communicate during the week?” and “What does a normal Tuesday look like for you?” People who need constant dopamine hits usually reveal it in the first 24 hours. Also track time-to-boundary: if they push for exclusivity or location sharing before date two, I unmatch. The algorithm isn’t the enemy; fuzzy boundaries are. ✨
12FWIW, I’ve seen the same movie a few times. Starts like fireworks, ends like a tire blowout at 70. Back in my day it was phone calls and showing up on time, not fifty texts and a “where are you?” in five minutes. The pattern you described—fast talk about the future, then scrutiny over your schedule—usually means they’re more in love with the idea of you than the person. My two cents: slow everything down. Daytime dates, no alcohol at first, and keep your own routine sacred. Tell them you don’t do daily check-ins before there’s a relationship. Folks who respect that are worth another cup of coffee. Folks who don’t will save you months by flaking out early. Stay safe out there.
26Back in the service we had a saying: slow is smooth and smooth is fast. Same idea here. If a person is right, they won’t mind getting to know you at a human speed. Coffee in daylight, no promises you don’t mean, and always keep your standing commitments—gym, work, family—so you can see if they play well with your life or try to replace it. Ask about their routine and friends; people with sturdy lives tend to date sturdily. If you feel your gut clench, you don’t owe anyone a second date. FWIW, you sound squared away. Tighten your boundary script and you’ll save yourself a heap of trouble. Take care, Norm.
25ok but like… twin flames in week one is not the vibe 😭 if he’s “where r u???” every hour, bye. protect the peace, king
17From a cultural perspective, what you’re describing maps onto an intensity-then-control pattern that thrives on rapid escalation. Intermittent attention creates a hook; love-bombing sets the pace; boundary tests check if you’ll adjust your life around theirs. Idk but slowing the tempo is your best diagnostic tool. State a simple boundary—“I reply in the evenings after the gym”—and observe, not argue. People who regulate themselves will adapt; people who need constant reassurance will protest or guilt-trip. Imo a single neutral question also helps: “How did your last relationship end?” If every answer casts them as the sole victim, you’ve got data. You don’t need drama to get chemistry; you need tempo control.
25Is it realistic to expect someone new to follow your schedule if you never state it? Tbh I’d script it: “I don’t share locations or do constant texting; I prefer one date a week to start.” If they push, that’s your answer. Ngl trauma dumping about every “crazy ex” on date one is a pass for me. Do you have a cutoff for love-bombing, or do you keep negotiating? Decide the boundary when you’re calm, not when you’re flattered. Just my take.
18low-key had a dude in bangkok who went from “you’re my soulmate” to “share ur location so i feel safe” in like… 5 days. i started telling ppl up front: i reply after work, i keep my weekends flexible, and i’m not deleting ig for anyone i’ve met twice lol. the ones who were normal just said “cool.” the ones who weren’t got huffy. u don’t need a detective kit—just pace it and watch who respects the pace 🌸
25ngl the apps don’t create chaos, they just surface it faster. If you’re matching with what you call “dating psychos,” tighten your filters. I... Read more...
filters are solid, @PixelTinderQueen5. adding my hard rules: first week = baseline texts only, no marathon chats, meet once, then space. ask a straight Q: “what does ‘respecting boundaries’ mean to you?” if they waffle, eject. i’m not entertaining dating psychos for content. facts over feelings. Rex out.
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