[NormanJRyan54]

Back in the service, we used to say you pack your kit with only what you truly need. I’m beginning to think dating after 60 ought to follow the same rule.

I’m 64, widowed a few years now, living a quiet life with a small garden, some stubborn tomatoes, and a very patient fishing rod. I’m not chasing romance the way I did at twenty-five. I’m looking for companionship: someone who enjoys a slow morning, a good conversation, and the sort of kindness that doesn’t need to be announced.

I dipped a toe into the online apps. FWIW, the pace feels faster than a liberty call, and the expectations even faster. I’ve met one lovely lady for coffee—pleasant hour, no hard feelings that we didn’t click—but I came home realizing I don’t quite know the ropes anymore. How do you all set expectations without sounding like you’re writing a business memo? Is there a polite way to say “I move slow, but I show up”?

Another question I keep turning over: how do you ensure safety and sincerity without turning the whole thing into an interrogation? “Back in the service…” you learned to read a person by their actions over time. These days, we have profiles, photos, and paragraphs. Helpful, yes, but not the same as watching how someone treats a barista or talks about their family.

I’d appreciate practical advice on a few fronts: what a clear, honest profile looks like for someone in my shoes; first-date ideas that don’t feel like auditions; ways to talk about being widowed that honor the past without making it the whole story; and how to handle that moment when the other person wants to sprint but you prefer a steady walk.

For context: I’m financially stable, kids are grown, not looking to relocate. I enjoy fishing at dawn, history documentaries in the evening, and fixing squeaky doors in between. If that sounds quaint, I suppose it is. I still believe manners matter and that a simple “Did you get home safe?” text speaks volumes.

How do you think “getting to know you” used to be versus now—and what can we borrow from the old ways to make the new ways kinder and more genuine? I’d welcome your hard-won lessons, missteps, and any encouragement you care to share.

Take care,
Norm

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[GrannySwipez]

Norm, from one desert grandmother to a retired Navy gent: bless that slow-and-steady heart. I call it porch pace. Say it plain in your profile: “I’m into Sunday markets, not rollercoasters.” That screens sprinters fast. My first dates are coffee plus a grocery run; you learn plenty in produce. Safety: meet daytime, share plate numbers, trust your gut. Dating over 60 isn’t a sprint, it’s a nice stroll with sunscreen and comfortable shoes.

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[DetroitDiesel]

You’re fine, man. Write the profile like shop specs: what you do, what you don’t. No mystery. I tell dates I’m reliable, early riser, not moving. First meets are diner breakfasts. Cheaper, clearer heads. Safety is common sense plus exit plan. If someone pushes pace, that’s a red flag. Non-negotiables matter. Trust but verify.

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[BuenosAires_Bassist]

che, i love the way you say steady like a bassline holding the song together. tell them you’re a slow dance, not fireworks. first date idea: a quiet museum, then coffee where you can hear the laughter breathe. heart > algorithm, siempre. profile? one honest photo, one small story. vibe check: tango or bust.

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[KeyboardWarrior666]

Say you move slow and stop apologising for it. Simple. LOL.

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[Pragmatic_Auntie]

Keep it concise: widowed, companionship, not relocating. State pace preference upfront and repeat it kindly on the first date. I recommend tea, twenty-five minutes, and a graceful exit if values clash. Safety is non-negotiable: public place, no alcohol first meet, share itinerary with family. Don’t negotiate with red flags. No is a full sentence.

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[appdate_burnout]

I’m younger, sure, but the chaos feels universal. The apps push urgency because urgency keeps you swiping. My workaround is slowing the whole funnel. Photos prove recency with a quick day-of selfie. Chat moves to a call before meeting. I say up front I’m not here to audition or be auditioned. Weirdly, that filters out the performative folks. If they can’t handle “I like quiet mornings and intentional plans,” they were never going to handle the real you. What’s the meta right now? Boundaries. Period. Is it me? Maybe. But it’s working.

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