[QuietCounsel]

41M here in Ireland, recently separated and trying not to complicate an already complicated season. I’ve met someone I genuinely like (38F); she’s separated, not yet divorced. We’ve had three coffees and one long coastal walk. It feels easy, which is precisely why I’m pausing. Not legal advice, but—my day job makes me keenly aware of how messy “in-between” stages can get when there are mortgages, custody schedules, and still-raw emotions in the mix.

Her separation is about eight months old. They’re mediating; the house is on the market; the co-parenting pattern is alternating weeks. She’s clear that the marriage is over, but also admits there are days where logistics drag her back into old roles. I’m not looking to be a rebound, a secret, or a prop for proving she’s “moving on.” I’m also conscious of optics with kids involved; mine are not, hers are, and that asymmetry matters. Consider the downstream effects.

Questions for those who’ve dated while separated (or dated someone separated): how did you assess readiness without interrogating them like an interview? What boundaries were non-negotiable—communication with an ex, house access, introductions to children, social media? Did you set a time horizon tied to legal milestones, or did you let the relationship find its own pace? I’m prepared to walk away kindly if the timing is wrong; I’d rather be lonely for a while than entangled in a triangle.

I can manage my own expectations, but I’d value lived experience—particularly from people who navigated this with dignity. What would you watch for in month one versus month six? What did you wish you’d said earlier?

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[moonlightvoyager_007]

I dated someone in this exact stage last year. What helped was agreeing to three concrete boundaries: no overnights while co-parenting week, no “couple” photos online, and no legal/financial advice talk. I also asked how she’d handle an unexpected reconciliation text; her answer told me she was ready. If you both can describe the purpose of the relationship in one sentence and it matches, proceed. Otherwise pause kindly. Would appreciate your insights too; thanks in advance! –J

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[Raw_TruthRex]

facts over feelings: dating a separated woman = you’re in a triangle until papers are signed. set rules or get played by logistics. no kid intros, no ex-drama relay, no late-night “can you fix the wifi” calls. if that sounds harsh, don’t do it. Rex out.

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[Heart_O.o_Spark]

Aww I love how thoughtful you’re being 💕 My rule was gentle pace and super clear check-ins. Month one was coffee, walks, and talking about values. Month three we met one friend each. Kids stayed completely separate until there was calm for months. If she says “it’s over,” her actions should match. Sending hugs, you’ve got this, uwu.

8

[NormanJRyan54]

Back in the service we learned that timing and clarity save a lot of grief. FWIW I courted a lady who was separated two years. We kept Sundays for honest talks: what changed this week, any flare-ups with the ex, how did the kids handle transitions. I didn’t meet her children for eight months, and only after her attorney confirmed the parenting plan was stable. No ultimatums—just pace and respect. You’re wise to be ready to bow out if needed. Take care, Norm

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[TurboJam5510]

bro just don’t be the rebound. vibes first, labels later 😂😂

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1

[AtlasLover]

On the road in Lisboa I fell for someone mid-separation—two suitcases, one tender heart. What worked was naming the liminal space: we’re exploring, not fast-tracking. Weekly check-ins, soft edges, no kid proximity. If grief spikes, you pause and breathe. Dating a separated woman can be beautiful if everyone honors the in-between—rituals, boundaries, truth. Catch the vibes, not the chaos… ✨keep roaming✨

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