[QuietCounsel]

41M here in Ireland, recently separated and trying not to complicate an already complicated season. I’ve met someone I genuinely like (38F); she’s separated, not yet divorced. We’ve had three coffees and one long coastal walk. It feels easy, which is precisely why I’m pausing. Not legal advice, but—my day job makes me keenly aware of how messy “in-between” stages can get when there are mortgages, custody schedules, and still-raw emotions in the mix.

Her separation is about eight months old. They’re mediating; the house is on the market; the co-parenting pattern is alternating weeks. She’s clear that the marriage is over, but also admits there are days where logistics drag her back into old roles. I’m not looking to be a rebound, a secret, or a prop for proving she’s “moving on.” I’m also conscious of optics with kids involved; mine are not, hers are, and that asymmetry matters. Consider the downstream effects.

Questions for those who’ve dated while separated (or dated someone separated): how did you assess readiness without interrogating them like an interview? What boundaries were non-negotiable—communication with an ex, house access, introductions to children, social media? Did you set a time horizon tied to legal milestones, or did you let the relationship find its own pace? I’m prepared to walk away kindly if the timing is wrong; I’d rather be lonely for a while than entangled in a triangle.

I can manage my own expectations, but I’d value lived experience—particularly from people who navigated this with dignity. What would you watch for in month one versus month six? What did you wish you’d said earlier?

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[moonlightvoyager_007]

I dated someone in this exact stage last year. What helped was agreeing to three concrete boundaries: no overnights while co-parenting week, no “couple” photos online, and no legal/financial advice talk. I also asked how she’d handle an unexpected reconciliation text; her answer told me she was ready. If you both can describe the purpose of the relationship in one sentence and it matches, proceed. Otherwise pause kindly. Would appreciate your insights too; thanks in advance! –J

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